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Life is an exploration

Jan. 16th, 2006 04:20 pm back to basics

(if not already marked - this is backdated one week. The cave bug in me opted not to post last week n well - now I really feel I should have - so here it is!)

first of all, a belated happy new year to those listening in on this channel! with my new digital camera, Flickr has clearly taken my cake and been my blog of choice!

as life is always choice - I respect words have their way of yielding its own power (thanks Steph for the David Bryne ptr!) and in all honestly, I can't go around with a camera attached to my skull and give you the complete picture - this is where words do a wonderful job!

so there a few changes in my life:
- I've decided to up the ante of finding a new gig and/or job
- I'm going to be primarily *offline* for a few months [how long I haven't decided yet]
- I'm thinking about moving - in particular, downtown BKK

and perhaps not so new:
- life continues to be a mystery - going in directions I never dreamed possible (speaking of dreams, my dreams as of late have been very trippy - so intensely real so far from fantasy!) at some point when the dust settles, I'll get back to my dream journal (hi Kat!)

ok - that's the short story - if you want to read on - you're more than welcome to!

so who remembers when a computer was just something to use, to play with, something to tinker around with - how neat it was to get the computer to do something neat *on its own*?!?

well -that's where I'm at - I'm getting sick of having my computer be on internet and after having my computer hacked in and complete uncertainty on what this individual knows, I might as well assume my identity is stolen and just live with the idea!

so you won't be seeing me on MSN or Skype for awhile however my Skype is set up to call me so for those of you who have "Show Offline Contacts" enabled, you'll see a little phone symbol. This is probably the best way to get in touch with me if you need to talk to me immediately. if it works for you, I prefer it if you call me at home or on my cell.

So where I am in my life right now is I've established myself in Thailand - found people to help me pull by bootstraps up from under me and settled down (to some degree)

Recent trips into the city have changed the idea of "being settled" though - had some amazing dance experiences with a group of farangs (foreigners in Thai) over the wkd - just as I was set to head off on my own and hit breakbeat, I decided to join the gang (thanks Koji for the nudge!) and go to a place called Bed (of course, I could say "go to Bed" but that joke is really old) - I'd been to Bed before when there was a dance floor and was really sad to see the dance floor go - apparently they only have a liquor license and I dunno what possessed them not to get the "dance License" they need - but I'm sure they have their reasons. So last sat nite was really really surprising - we all got to get to know each other over dinner and drinks for a few hours and it made for good ole old fashioned fun!

now, of course, I value the internet and the power it represents - I'm just going to take a bit of a break - some of you know I'm doing everything I can to focus on a bonafide job search.

so..presenting the "turn the Internet off when you're done with it" paradigm. nothing that innovative. the kid in me just loved it when I had the computer to myself :)

ok...back to my story - a good dancing friend of mine, Samantha, named the dance we do "transcend" you may have seen my blog entry earlier or pix I've posted. for some reason, this dance shows up very powerfully with Thai people! I don't know why!

Bua (means "Lotus" in Thai) and I had a wonderful dance together and it spurred all kinds of neat energy! Her boyfriend, jay (who is quite the lad i must say) joined us and he was courageous enough to just play around with a connected dance with me - I just love guys who give up all their homophobic notions (come on - we are guys!) for the sake of just playing around with it - I love it when this happens - they are clearly some of the memorable (hi Fielding if you're listening!)

all in all, want to send a shout out to Amanda and her whole gang - she's got such wonderful people all around her and it was a pleasure to meet you all if I haven't mentioned you specifically.

okey doke...that's all I want to write for now - be in touch with you soon!

ps. hello to all of you listening from afar - it's been so nice to chat with many of you over Skype and feel like you're the friend next door I never knew! what ever happened to the chat on the phone with your friend until you wanted to hop on your bike and go see them? *sigh*

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Dec. 20th, 2005 08:24 pm Transcend


Transcend
Originally uploaded by chinarut.

ok - i've come to conclusion that as much as we're building all this neat technology to connect people - for me, it just boils down to dance, music, and pictures! :P

check out YAT (yet another toy!):

chinarut's Last.fm Overall Artists Chart

what's neat is this chart will update after every song i play on my lil mini here in Thailand. click on the chart n see lots of neat details :)

all there is to do is to keep playin around with life and see what peeps we all end up connectin to!

last.fm

Current Mood: dancing
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence

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Dec. 13th, 2005 12:19 am 3 generations


3 generations
Originally uploaded by chinarut.

I'm about to hit the hay and have time to share one photo that captures the love I have for my family - we love you grandpa!

More photos at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chinarut

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Nov. 30th, 2005 08:43 am Future?

Morn and I have been on a movie rampage recently - we watched SuperSize Me, Dances with Wolves, and most recently Final Fantasy (FF)! I want to thank my little bro for asking me to watch FF and my friend, TJ, for having the movie to watch it quite some years ago - I was left quite inspired ever since!

The funny thing last night was I got the "what the hell did I see in this movie?" kinda feeling and dismissed it not even thinking to ask Morn what she thought about the movie. So I woke up this morning grumpy (as I often am these days) sharing along the lines of "missing the train", "it's too late", just not very enthusastic about life and not wanting to get out of bed (I'm sure many of you can relate!)

Well...what transpired next was Morn sharing about "belief" and that's what FF was to her. Watching her face so animated and so incredibly bright and full of life was great! This is all she wants for me in my life right now - to be unstoppable.

Ironically, she's fallen back asleep again :D [maybe it's cuz I decided to share in my blog - hmm.. :-o]

One of the things I do religiously is keep a dream journal (FF makes references to technology that is able to record dreams - imagine that!) so I want to share a tidbit I found insightful.

Many of you know I haven't driven a car for years - once I finally made it to downtown San Francisco, I used my car on weekends only and once I made it to Los Angeles (LA), I took on being in LA without a car as an experiment which has now led to me being without a car in Bangkok - in fact, in suburbia depending on public transit - it ain't always easy so thanks for your patience if you're local!

So in my dream, I'm driving down a road in what looks like New York City. However, it's more congested and you can't really see what's ahead of you that's it was scary to drive - always in fear that you'll crash into something or be suprised - I just didn't like it. All I was thinking about was being back on huge highways where you get to see the road ahead of you - a huge panoramic vision, easy to plan your next step(s) before you exit off the freeway!

So what I see in this is it's kinda where I am right now - I chose a path in my life of the unexpected, one on the edge (thanks rich for helping me see this yesterday!) and well, I've hit a wall - I'm having a hard time accepting I can't see what's ahead of me anymore! So it's easy for me to have these thoughts of pulling back, going back to my comfort zone and just living life as I did 4 years ago.

This is the fork of the road I'm on - a time where all of you mean a lot to me (being selfless) and in a strange way feeling selfish in many ways and wanting to find [or more accurately, redeclare] myself.

You've all sent kind notes, calls, and blessings to us and we're very thanksful - to those of you who we haven't talked to yet, thanks for accepting that we've choosen to get the word out [of our son passing away prior to birth] in an organic manner and not just blast it out there as a mass email or some big huge announcement. We kind of see it as being with everyone one step at a time having this dance we call "space" - giving and receiving (hi Naomi! ;). If we trip and fall in the process - please let us know!

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Nov. 26th, 2005 04:54 pm life keeps going...

We're back from Surin and happy to share that Morn and I are doing well. To clarify what happened: Morn was getting ready to come back to Bangkok last Thursday and slipped in the bathroom. She bled a lot and fell unconscious. Our doctor was really great to fly to the northeast to take care of Morn and we spent the next 4 days in Surin to let her recover. To all those who have been curious - we now know we have a beautiful son whose spirit will always be with us in our hearts <3

I can't quite come to grips with what it is I've been feeling and/or going through for the past week. I really want to thank all of you who have been nice to send us SMSes, call us, drop by our apt, comment in our journal, write us email, and perhaps dance for us :) We've been asking for a lot of space to be with ourselves and at the same time really appreciate those who've choosen to be close to us - you know who you are.

One of the experiences that catches us is the sight of children. To be with kids on the train on the way to Surin and then having the opportunity to play with Morn's neice was quite a joy. Part of me feels void of the dad I want to be right now and part of me is ok with the whole situation. We haven't shared with many of you - Talay was not a planned child and much of what's happened over the last 10 months has been reactive. We are proud to say we did our absolute best and feel like we come out stronger people dealing with the unexpected.

I was successful staying offline for almost a week and it felt really good - I know Morn appreciated it for sure! :) Spending time with Morn's family had me appreciate the extent Thais in the countryside spend with people around them - their neighbors and family. This is despite the fact that they own technology bits like the TV and telephone. Morn and I did manage to watch the news and found it a nice way to keep in touch with current events. (Jom, we didn't catch you reporting and pray you've come back safely from the conflicts in the south!)

I was happy to see mom and dad this past Wednesday - I haven't seen them for almost 2 years! It was also wierd - we've been in touch so well using email and Skype that it felt like we were still standing in LA!

Mom looks great as always and heh..heh..she really wants me to cut my hair! She also wants me to consider being a junior monk - something I've been considering on and off for over a year and a half now. I shared my concerns around taking care of my SI joint and my well being and grateful my mom firmly shares her opinions with me - I found myself being defensive at first and then let my guard down. I told myself I have this wkd to think about it and let my uncle know. This is such an important tradition for males born in Thailand to complete - it is a rite of passage for many.

Boy do I miss dad! Just sitting in my office sharing about what's happened over the past 2 years felt like a load off my shoulders. I really got how wonderful of a dad I have and how much he listens to me - I want to be a dad just like him. I really look forward to spending some quality one-on-one time with him before he leaves for the states. I have many life choices ahead of me in the next few weeks.

So what direction am I to take in my life? Work has not been a priority, volunteering has been fun with my finances in order until end of the year. Mom & dad were really nice to bring creature comforts I wanted from America here - we have fun brushing using Tom's Gingermint toothpaste! Little things like these make getting up in the morning not so much of a chore!

I got a bunch of upgrades for my mini and of course, my latest toy - a new digital camera! I bought this camera to share all the pictures of Talay with y'all and it's going to have to have a whole new purpose to it right now. One thing I can say is we're having quite a bit of fun making movies! :)

"Things" aside, now is a time for Morn and I to reevaluate our lives, our relationship, and our choices. We do not have any plans to discuss having another child until the new year - in fact, we are open to going our own ways and giving each other some space - many of you know it's been a really intense 10 months clearing our past for our child.

Thanks again for all your support - the most important thing we want to leave you with is we're ready to move on and create a new future. We invite you to keep dancing with us and do be in touch!

Love,
Morn and Chin

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Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Pimpf

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Nov. 17th, 2005 04:42 am may talay live in spirit

I have some not so good news to post...our baby passed away yesterday :(

I don't have many details right now. It's 4:30am and on my way to catch a train to be with Morn in Surin.

I'm pretty much going to be off email for at least a week. I'll be sure to post here if I able to find 5 minutes online. For those of you who want to try to call me: +66 1 713 8620

This is quite a journey and for those of you who are asking, I'm doing okay - there is nothing to do right now but be [and get going!]

Bye bye and thanks for all your love!

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Nov. 14th, 2005 11:40 am just here

hello everyone!!! David, a dancin friend of mine I met in BKK inspired me to post another mini-update to y'all!

life has been a bit of a whirlwind - for those of you who don't know - it's my playa (as in burning man) given nickname - I don't remember how it all happened - it's umm..just like a whirlwind coming at you - it just happens!

some of you know that Morn's mom passed away and this a really challenging time for Morn to be with our baby. I've been keeping in touch with her and really glad she's taking it quite well and safe with her whole family in Surin (eastern side of Thailand)

many of you have been asking me why I didn't choose to go with her. well - the short story is she insisted I stay last thursday night. As she left on her trip, I never seen her any brighter being the true spirit she is! I wanted to let her be with the choice she made and we parted on loving terms with smiles on our faces.

Of course, we're all human being with each of our choices. we hardly loose sight of each other over the past 2 years and we're adjusting to the space we've created for each other. what's done is done and we can't change it. Morn is about to have a baby and i'm packed and ready to shoot off to surin on a moment's notice!

a special thanks to everyone reading this journal and keeping in touch with me in a unique way - i do my best to return all the personal, thoughtful emails many of you write to us and invite you to comment and experience a whole new way of communicating - one that is open with the world!

life is dealing tough cards for us now and i'm doing my best to cope with every unexpected moment - it was a special request of mine that our baby (talay) be a miracle in life [not that it ever would be otherwise] and it goes without saying - there's no telling where our future goes in the next week or so! one day at a time...

Morn will be calling me this afternoon after she speaks with her doctor - good news is the baby has *just* started turning - we've been told to give it another 2 days and maybe we don't have to a have a c-section this thursday afterall.

we're sending you lots of love and a virtual hug to all those who i met over my 2 day excursion into the city over the wkd - so many new faces!

take care!

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Oct. 28th, 2005 11:01 am Talay is just chillin

a big thanks to y'all that have been in touch and standing that our baby to come forth!

as many of you know - morn's already 2 weeks overdue and an ultrasound yesterday shows the baby is healthy (still sexless and unknown ;) and that it's pretty much in an 8 month position (ie. it hasn't turned around yet)

we really want to have a natural childbirth and not have to induce labor if at all possible.

our doctor says give it 7 more days and see what happens - we'll be faced with a choice then.

for the time being, we'll continue to let life take it's course one day at a time.

Morn says we love you all!

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Oct. 21st, 2005 01:29 pm Life is a merry go round...

For those of you who are wondering - no baby yet (thus no new pictures)! Doctor says Oct 25th at the latest - we missed my mom's request our baby be a full moon baby this past tue :)

It's been an interesting last 2 weeks - I lost my contract at the university and been taking this time to rest and take care of Morn (we both got sick shortly afterwards)

Admitedlly, I was sad for a few days and then realized how great it's been to just decompress, appreciate what progress I did make, and take a fresh new look at my life - wow...that was 2 weeks ago - my perspective of life has shifted somewhat!

I decided to catch up with the times and continue down the route I was going with the university with implementing CMMI with Trac ... some how this led to an application called Writely which blew me away and not too soon after found myself in a plethora of applications dubbed under the Web 2.0 buzz that's going around. Yes...there's a lot of markety talk out there but it's definitely no longer a concept and very real!

NextAction proves how easy it is to tote a dynamic web application (complete with the DB) with you whether you're connected to the net or not- it's like the best of both worlds. Of course, the candy here is the killer app (IMHO) based on David Allen's Getting Things Done workflow process which I'm now 2 1/2 years in the running and champion here in Thailand in my free time (amonst other things!)

It's really clear to me after resisting web development for quite some time, I'm going back to my developer/programmer roots and well, with the advent of TrimJunction (which NextAction is based on) it comes with a refreshing view - software transformation stared me eye to eye this morning! way to go in simplifying the web development environment for the purpose of prototyping!

Day by day, life is a miracle, dreams come true, ingenious tools built by the love of developers continue to land in my hands. I'm now fully entrenched in the open-source movement and there is no doubt at this very moment, I'm a closet "circuit rider" in Thailand and just coming out.

Now comes the tough part, I'm to stand as someone who assists organizations here in developing solid infrastructure based on technology I believe in. My task is to do it well and reputably, be straight with people as to where I stand, and most importantly, come from my heart and communicate with power - this is where I'm quite reflective at the moment - so easily to see where I'm not!

On the flip side of things, what I see as a dad in my neighborhood the other day:

[still in my phone - just picture an overhead crosswalk with telephone wires going *through* the concrete stairwell on one side of the street]

That's right - the wires were not removed or pushed to the side, they poured concrete around the wires...a safety nightmare! This gives new meaning to the term "workaround"! :-o

ok..it's just about time for me to signoff and give my back a rest and be with Morn. yes, I went hyperlink crazy in this entry previewing Flock, yet another browser giving a new twist on your future - while I'm still a loyal Camino devotee...ask me in a few weeks (or maybe months given the baby is due any second now!)...they have lots of innovative ideas I wish to try.

Just enabled my mini to use Skype so feel free to call me anytime if you want to chat about biz, technology, family, thailand, what have you - be happy to hear from you!

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Oct. 3rd, 2005 11:38 am new, open world


new, open world
Originally uploaded by chinarut.


so it's time to close a chapter on my mac mini and make room for the baby!

in the spirit of talay (for those of you who've asked, this is his/her nickname!), i just posted photos from our baby shower over a week ago now with less than 15 days til we have a bouncing baby boy or girl in our home!

(click any of the 3 links above to see more photos)

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