I can't quite come to grips with what it is I've been feeling and/or going through for the past week. I really want to thank all of you who have been nice to send us SMSes, call us, drop by our apt, comment in our journal, write us email, and perhaps dance for us :) We've been asking for a lot of space to be with ourselves and at the same time really appreciate those who've choosen to be close to us - you know who you are.
One of the experiences that catches us is the sight of children. To be with kids on the train on the way to Surin and then having the opportunity to play with Morn's neice was quite a joy. Part of me feels void of the dad I want to be right now and part of me is ok with the whole situation. We haven't shared with many of you - Talay was not a planned child and much of what's happened over the last 10 months has been reactive. We are proud to say we did our absolute best and feel like we come out stronger people dealing with the unexpected.
I was successful staying offline for almost a week and it felt really good - I know Morn appreciated it for sure! :) Spending time with Morn's family had me appreciate the extent Thais in the countryside spend with people around them - their neighbors and family. This is despite the fact that they own technology bits like the TV and telephone. Morn and I did manage to watch the news and found it a nice way to keep in touch with current events. (Jom, we didn't catch you reporting and pray you've come back safely from the conflicts in the south!)
I was happy to see mom and dad this past Wednesday - I haven't seen them for almost 2 years! It was also wierd - we've been in touch so well using email and Skype that it felt like we were still standing in LA!
Mom looks great as always and heh..heh..she really wants me to cut my hair! She also wants me to consider being a junior monk - something I've been considering on and off for over a year and a half now. I shared my concerns around taking care of my SI joint and my well being and grateful my mom firmly shares her opinions with me - I found myself being defensive at first and then let my guard down. I told myself I have this wkd to think about it and let my uncle know. This is such an important tradition for males born in Thailand to complete - it is a rite of passage for many.
Boy do I miss dad! Just sitting in my office sharing about what's happened over the past 2 years felt like a load off my shoulders. I really got how wonderful of a dad I have and how much he listens to me - I want to be a dad just like him. I really look forward to spending some quality one-on-one time with him before he leaves for the states. I have many life choices ahead of me in the next few weeks.
So what direction am I to take in my life? Work has not been a priority, volunteering has been fun with my finances in order until end of the year. Mom & dad were really nice to bring creature comforts I wanted from America here - we have fun brushing using Tom's Gingermint toothpaste! Little things like these make getting up in the morning not so much of a chore!
I got a bunch of upgrades for my mini and of course, my latest toy - a new digital camera! I bought this camera to share all the pictures of Talay with y'all and it's going to have to have a whole new purpose to it right now. One thing I can say is we're having quite a bit of fun making movies! :)
"Things" aside, now is a time for Morn and I to reevaluate our lives, our relationship, and our choices. We do not have any plans to discuss having another child until the new year - in fact, we are open to going our own ways and giving each other some space - many of you know it's been a really intense 10 months clearing our past for our child.
Thanks again for all your support - the most important thing we want to leave you with is we're ready to move on and create a new future. We invite you to keep dancing with us and do be in touch!
Morn and Chin